Five Fourteen in the Morning
by MeganKoumori
Summary: When I can't sleep, I start to write. And when I start to write, Kim Possible and Helga G. Pataki appear to give me some tips.


It is five fourteen in the morning, and I can't sleep. I can't sleep because I'm an insomniac.

I've tried counting sheep, but it never works because I can't picture them clearly in my head. I'd rather count bats anyway, but I can't picture them clearly either. Right now, I'm waiting for my tea to brew and cool off so I can actually drink it. I've broken my habit of "No hot tea during the summer" but I don't care. All the ice tea is sweetened. Blehhh.

My mind turns to my fanfics. I'd really, really like to finish my 'Kim Possible Thru Time' fic, but I'm totally stuck. My 'Kim Revere' idea was a bust, a one horse bust, no pun intended. I don't even have a real title.

"What about your Kim of Arc idea?" Kim is lying across the text I just wrote.

"Can't do it," I reply. "It's a good idea, but I can't put any of the other characters in it."

"So start something new."

"Hah." I snort. "Did you know how many new fics I've started and can't finish? Something new is the last thing I need."

She flips down to the white space. "What about that other idea you were fiddling in your mind with? That 'Hey Arnold-Kim Possible' crossover?"

"Are you insane?" I'm almost tempted to say it out loud. "I'll never do a crossover!"

"Why not?"

"Because crossovers are bad!" I tell her. "Bad, bad, bad!" My tea is cool enough now and I start drinking it.

"Well criminy!" Says a new voice. Now Helga has joined her. This is what happens when I don't get enough sleep; cartoon characters start talking to me. "You'll never get anywhere if you keep making excuses about why you can't write something. And by the way," She regards the text I just wrote. "You've been talking to cartoons since you were three."

Kim makes herself comfortable, sitting on the 'three.' "It's easy. I'll start. Say, Helga loses her diary…"

"And I call Kim to come and find it!" Finishes Helga.

"No!" I said sharply. "No crossovers!"

Kim ignores me. "But it backfires because Arnold ends up getting a crush on me!"

"Hey!" Helga snaps. "Stay away from my Football Head!"

"Are you kidding?" I say. "That's the lamest, most trite idea imaginable! That's something I would have written when I was twelve, maybe thirteen!"

"Hey," Helga shrugs. "It's your brain."

"I have standards, thank you." I tell her.

"And that's why you can't write!" She replies. "Your standards are way too high! Just suck it up and write already!"

The tea is making my gums feel weird. "Ok, how about this?" Says Kim. "Why don't you write yourself into the story?"

"What is this? 'Give Megan Bad Ideas' Day?" I say. "There's no way I'm writing myself into a fanfic! Cliché, much? Why don't I just write a 'Helga and Arnold Make Out' fic while I'm at it?"

Helga harrumphs. "What's wrong with that? And by the way, how come I didn't get a kiss in the 'Jungle Fic?'"

"Curious myself." Says Kim, crossing her arms.

"Uh, hello? You're nine!" I say. "You're way too young to be kissing!"

"Oh please!" Says Helga. "That didn't stop 'School Play', 'Summer Love', 'Arnold Saves the'…"

"Fine! You're too young to be kissing on a regular basis." My tea is almost gone, and now it's gone cold. I finish it up.

"You just need a setting." Says Kim. "How about this? A fancy French restaurant. Ron, Arnold, Helga and I are on a double date…"

"Blargh."

"Just listen! We're eating dinner when I get a call from Wade…'"

The two couples are now sitting at a table. Vivaldi plays in the background, Spring Largo.

"What's wrong with Allegro?'" Says Helga. She's dressed in the fancy outfit from 'Dinner for Four.'

"This is my idea!" Says Kim. She's dressed in the outfit from Prom.

Arnold is looking around. He's wearing a tux. "I don't get it. What am I doing here? Why am I Helga's date?"

"Is he always this dense?" Asks Kim.

"Oh yeah." Helga and I chorus.

Ron, dressed in his blue tux from Prom, clears his throat. "Kim," He says. "I am so glad that we could go out with your cousin Helga and her boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" Arnold shrieks.

"Cousin?" I shriek. "That's stupid! And Ron would never say that!"

"Distant relations are a good way to connect characters." Says Kim.

Ron leans over and whispers to Kim, "What's with the kid with the Football Head?"

"What's with the bald hamster?" Says Arnold. Rufus shrieks and chatters, offended.

"Where the heck did Rufus come from?" I say.

Ron is looking over the menu. "This place doesn't have Nacos!" He says. "Why couldn't you imagine us at Bueno Nacho?"

"What's a Naco?" Asks Arnold.

Ron grins. "My odd headed chum, I have so much to teach you!"

"Is this going anywhere?" I say, exasperated.

The Kimmunicator beeps. Kim grabs it. "What's the sitch, Wade?"

Wade is sitting behind his desk as usual. "Drakken just broke into the City Museum! He stole an ancient stone tablet that's said to have mystic powers!"

"On my way!" Kim stands up. "Let's move out! Helga, are you ready for your first mission?"

"Oh please!" I cut in. "This is boring! And totally devoid of originality!"

"You got that right, Sister!" Helga stands up. "My turn! Arnold and I are sitting on a beach on our own private island…"

Ukulele music is playing as the sun dips behind the dark blue ocean. Arnold and Helga are wearing bathing suits and are relaxing on beach chairs.

"Would you like another Piña Colada, my love?" Arnold says fondly. He grimaces and sits up. "Stop it! I wouldn't say that!"

"Yeah, and you can't drink, not even in fantasy!" I say.

Helga snorts. "Just because you're a stick in the mud tea toller…"

"I'm not a stick in the mud! Not drinking alcohol is a personal choice! And you're not drinking either!"

Helga rolls her eyes. "Fine!"

"Would you like another Yahoo soda, my love?" Said Arnold.

"Much better."

"Hey!" Kim suddenly cuts in. "Where are Ron and I?" She's back in her mission outfit.

"Pipe down, Sister!" Says Helga. "This is my fantasy! You're at the museum, stopping Dracula or whatever."

"Dr. Drakken!"

Ron is by Arnold's chair with a heaping plate of Nacos. He and Arnold are chowing down. "Hey this is good!" Arnold says with his mouth full.

"Told ya!"

Arnold grins a smile full of cheesy teeth. "Boo-yah!"

"Kid," Says Ron. "You and me are going to get along just fine! Wanna play 'Zombie Masher' back at my pad?"

"Sure!" Arnold jumps off the chair and follows him out of the beach scene.

"Hey Arnold!" Helga yells. "Where do you think you're going?"

"This is just getting too weird." Ron waves her off.

Kim looks at Helga. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Helga smiles diabolically. "Doy!"

We're in a church now. Helga and Kim are dressed in long, flowing wedding gowns. Ron and Arnold are wearing tuxes again.

Ron looks queasy. "I don't think in Kansas anymore."

Arnold looks at Helga then at his tux then at Helga. He screams. Helga grabs his arm. "Quiet!"

"Dearly beloved," Says the minister. "We are gathered here today…"

Ron looks at me pleadingly. "Do something! This is your fic!"

I shrug. "I think I lost control back at the part about the bald hamster."

"Get to the part about kissing the bride!" Says Helga suddenly.

Arnold looks panicky. "Hurry!" He squeaks at me.

"Ok, ok." I put my hands to my temples. "Lemme think…"

* * *

It's a sunny fall day in the park. Brightly colored leaves are falling around Kim and Ron as they sit on a bench. They are watching Helga and Arnold play tag.

"I can't believe that I finally got a mission that's just babysitting!" Says Kim. She's wearing a fuchsia sweater with a blue stripe around the middle and sipping warm cider.

Ron puts his arm around her. He's wearing a thick woolen pear green sweater. "Yep. And these kids are so well behaved, even though that Helga has a mouth on her."

"I heard that!" Hollered Helga. She's wearing a pink sweater and jeans.

Arnold, who's the only one dressed in his usual clothes, sneaks up behind her and taps her on the shoulder. "You're it!"

"No fair!" She laughs and chases after him. "I was distracted!"

"_Sure_ you were!" Helga tackles Arnold around the middle and starts tickling him.

He laughs so hard he start to wheeze. "Stop!" He pants. "You win! You win!"

Ron looks at Kim. "Think we should break it up?"

She takes another drink of cider. "Nah. They're just having fun." She looks at her watch. "Oops." She stands and cups her hand around her mouth. "Helga, Arnold! Time to go!"

Both fourth graders get up off the ground, brushing leaves and dirt off their clothes. As they run to catch up with the teen heroes, Arnold grabs Kim's hand. "Can we go to Bueno Naco? Please?"

"Yeah," Says Helga. "I want a Naco and a Yahoo!"

Kim ruffles Arnold's hair. "Ok. I think we have enough time."

He smiles at Kim. "Kim, you're the best babysitter ever!" Helga makes a jealous noise in her throat. Arnold offers Helga his arm as solace, which she takes.

"You know what guys?" Says Ron as the group exits the park. "This is been a great day!"

"Sheesh," Helga gives him a wry smile. "You're sappy!"

"I mean it!" Ron beams at Kim. "This has really been a great day."

Rufus climbs on Arnold's shoulder. "Awww…" He says as he hugs his cheek.

* * *

I sit back and reread what I've written. Corny ending, but it could be syrupier. At least I stood my ground. No crossovers, no inserting myself.

I go back and reread the whole thing. Aw man! They tricked me!


End file.
